I often complain that I work too much, and have too little leisure time to do the thing I want to do, REALLY want to do. I mean time and space to create, and doing something worthwhile for myself. But I need the money so I work as much as I can, which means taking on whatever job available, and spending a lot of time driving my car. Long distances, and time to think. Well, sometimes I just sing…

The field I work in is, vocationally speaking, of very little interest to me, I never wanted to be a doctor or nurse, and now I KNOW I was right in not choosing that way. I’m not made for it, my mind is of another kind. My problem at work is that I really sympathize on a person to person level, and often get too engaged in their life stories and suffering. Maybe I’m too sensitive, maybe I feel with them too much, because often when I return home, I feel drained to the bone, with no energy left, and just collapse in front of the tv, wanting my mind to go blank for a while. I dread being old and sick, when I see what it does to people at the end of the road, and the experience have altered my perspective on how to live. Life is too short, well I already knew that, but after working with the very old and sick, I fully realize how important it is to really LIVE the life we are given. It passes in a flash, they say, even the 97 year olds. Where did it go? How did I get here, with a body that’s too worn out and fragile to do even the most basic things, and the mind faltering too?

Before I get too depressing, I’d like to point out that often my days at work run smoothly with many heartwarming and happy moments, with those that have learned the art of joy and gratitude in their everyday life, no matter how difficult it is. What a wonderful difference that makes in an otherwise ordinary day.

So how would my days be ideally? I’ll give it some thought on my way to work this evening;)
Time to spring clean my ideas and wake the inspiration from it’s slumber.